Family Impact Commission Bill 2003
Reverend the Hon. Dr GORDON MOYES: This bill was debated and read a second time on 24 October 1996. In 1997 it was referred to the Standing Committee on Law and Justice, which released a positive report on 25 November 1997. The bill was extensively debated in 2002. Some honourable members had reservations about the bill being passed on the grounds that it may prevent the Government from assisting needy single mothers and that the definition of the family was not sufficiently inclusive. We have heard those concerns, and we seek to amend the bill, which simply tries to ensure that nothing is done to weaken or undermine the family unit, as we traditionally understand it to be. I trust that the Government will allow the bill to pass the second reading and progress to the Committee stage, when those amendments can be passed.
When debate on this bill was adjourned on the last occasion I was speaking about the strength of the family in Australia today. A more significant type of study, however, can be undertaken of how many of those families are strong families and how many are happy families. What makes a strong or happy family? That is the question that two eminent American sociologists, Dr Nick Stinnett, Dean of the Graduate School of Education and Psychology, Pepperdine University, Los Angeles, and John DeFrain, have been asking families for more than 10 years. Recently, the authors published their important book Secrets of Strong Families, in which they discussed the secrets of family wellbeing. Stinnett, DeFrain and hundreds of other researchers have studied thousands of families living under very different conditions. Most of those studies focus their attention on problem families. But these sociologists studied strong and happy families.
They found that strong families, living in widely different environments, possessed the same basic characteristics of family wellness. For example, a study of thriving black families in the United States of America found them to be similar to healthy white families. Stinnett and DeFrain also asked, “Would strong families in other parts of the world be like US families?” One of the researchers researched Russian families; another researched Central and South American families in Bogota; another investigated family strengths in families from Germany, Austria and Switzerland; another researched black families in South Africa. The more than 3,000 happy families that were researched came from all economic levels, different races and educational levels, and were of varying ages and social strata. As a group, these families from all around the world had six recurring qualities. The researchers found:
One of the most amazing things about the research, is that these six qualities were mentioned time and again in our contact with these families.
They found that in spite of cultural, political and language differences, all the families, in every country, shared these six attributes. The families studied were happy and strong. They were involved in meaningful relationships with each other. That does not mean they were problem-free. They experienced trials and difficulties as weak families do. But through their trials these families remained strong and cohesive. Why? Because strong families possess qualities that help them effectively surmount the difficulties that they face. They do not succumb to problems; they surmount them.
The families studied by the two researchers had to possess three underlying characteristics before being included in the strong family group. The couples had to exhibit a high degree of marital happiness; parent-child relationships in the family had to be satisfying; and family members had to do a good job of meeting each other’s needs. The six underlying characteristics of strong families were deceptively simple. One could ask the obvious question: Why isn’t every family a strong and happy one? The reason is clear. Putting the principles into practice takes a great deal of effort. Understanding what we need to do to make our families work happily together is only the first step. Achieving it is a great leap that brings the rest of our lives together.
Yet, there are many families, some working under the severest of handicaps, which seemingly are able to practice these six important principles. As I pointed out previously, by definition I refer to families as people who are related by law or blood. It includes single-parent families and people who have blended families. It also takes into account such distressing issues as divorce, family poverty, family violence, conflict in blended families, children’s fears about parental separation, de facto relationships, and the like. Taking all of those different families together, is there something that can be done to help build a good family?
The point of this bill is to help strengthen ordinary Australian families. The six principles that were outlined by the international research are as follows: First, family members must be committed to each other. Members of these elite families are committed to each other. They value the family as a unit, even above their own individual needs and desires. It is not that they do not have hard times, but these problems strengthen rather than destroy their commitment to each other. One couple put it this way:
We give each other the freedom and encouragement to pursue individual goals. Yet either of us would cut out activities or goals that threaten our existence as a couple.
That is a real commitment to each other for the sake of the family. It is the Christian virtue of putting others first. Second, family members appreciate each other. Strong family members value each other. They can both express and receive appreciation. How unlike those families that carp and criticise each other! Strong families talk positively about each other. They talk to each other and to outsiders. One husband answered a researcher’s question by saying:
You asked what my spouse does that makes me feel good. Well, I’ll tell you. She doesn’t harp on my faults and shortcomings. Being a human, I have a few. She remembers my accomplishments, good deeds, and pluses. Sometimes I forget them and she reminds me I’m a pretty decent guy.
Strong families appreciate the contribution of each member, even the youngest and the frailest. They say “thanks” often. That is a second step towards making a strong family. The third principle is that family members communicate together. One researcher has estimated that the average family spends only 17 minutes in conversation each week. How short a time is that? There are 10,808 minutes in each week. Unlike the average families, strong families communicate often and without fear. They talk about anything and everything. They also listen with interest. If a member of the family is not communicating, they find out why. What is the problem? Let’s talk it out.
I am reminded that tomorrow in this Parliament the Father’s Day Council will hold a luncheon and the Father of the Year will be announced. As a former recipient of the Father of the Year award, I can remember talking that year about the significance in the relationship between members of the family of communicating with each other. Strong families communicate honestly and openly. Members do not bully, outwit, blame, dominate or bash each other. The family grows when each member cares about the other at a deep, gut level. Families weep, laugh and rejoice together.
The fourth principle, as sociologists have discovered, is that strong families have family members who spend time together. Indeed, 1,500 schoolchildren were asked, “What do you think makes a happy family?” The most frequent answer was, “Doing things together”. That is a characteristic of strong families. It takes time to be together. Most families suffer from a shortage of time. They are bombarded by demands on each member’s time but strong families are aware of the need to spend time together. As one parent commented in a sociological study:
We discovered early in our parenting years that family times just don’t happen. They have to be planned. If we don’t watch out we will end up being scattered all over town. You can help build your family by communicating together, by spending time together.
The fifth principle, found internationally, is that family members cope with problems. Problems pull strong families together; difficulties pull weak families apart. That is the difference. Stinnett and DeFrain point out the great value of both nuclear and extended family members when difficulties arise because they will pitch in to help the family make it through a crisis. Because of prior commitment and open communication, strong families seem to know how to solve problems together. It is not too hard to see families willing to pull together as an expression of their commitment to each other.
The final principle, the sixth principle, is that strong families in all countries of the world spiritually believe together. There is a spiritual wellness or wellbeing that is a quality rarely discussed in sociological studies and yet this intense, international sociological study found it as a recurring motif among strong and happy families. Although the families came from a great variety of religious backgrounds, they possessed what the authors term “spiritual wellness”. They defined these in terms such as integrity, honesty, loyalty, conscientiousness, virtue, ethics, values, usefulness, self-esteem and significance. That is as true of Christian families as it is of Jewish families, Muslim families, Hindu families and Buddhist families.
Strong families possess a certain dimension of character. They live by a code of behaviour that far transcends the shallow selfishness often possessed by the characters of typical television soap operas—the strong families that we know believe in and practise the concept of oneness as The Bible defines it. They feel they are one, they are committed as one, they cope as one, they communicate as one, they share as one, they spend time as one and they have a oneness about spiritual wellbeing. I am sure that everyone, whether a member of a blended family, a single-parent family, a nuclear family or an extended family, wants his or her family to work. The bill deals with determining how families can be strengthened and measuring the impact on families whenever governments propose legislation that seeks to damage the community or families. We measure environmental damage; how much more important it is for us to measure the impact and damage of any legislation upon the family. I commend the bill to the House.