Grand-Daughters
Every time a baby is born, so are a set of grandparents. Eleven times my wife and I have visited hospitals to see our latest grandchild. One moment we were young parents, the next we were grandparents and pre-historic. Thank God all have been healthy and have been growing in the warmth of our pride. Now half of them are teenagers, and that makes a different story!
For the first time the other night, my wife Beverley and I hosted a large table full of grandchildren without any parents present. That allowed interesting conversation. They chose to have a roast – they were adamant we would have roast as nobody (meaning their parents) can cook roast like Granny. Every house needs a granny. And it had to be formal (no pizza boxes) but lace table cloth, napkins, best silver with “all of the knives and forks”. One night we had the privilege of one grandson ringing to ask if his girlfriend could join us to spend time with the other girls, and one night one of the first serious boyfriends (“it’s our first anniversary this week”) could join us on their own for a formal dinner!
Before they were born, my wife and I were the parents of four teenagers – one girl and three boys. The girl was basically perfect. Do all fathers believe that of their only daughter? With the boys I knew all the questions: “Who left my tools out in the rain last night?” “Who rigged up the loud speaker in the letter box so that when elderly ladies walked past you frightened them out of their wits with a letter box talking to them?” “Would you please turn that down!”
But in a house that has seven grand-daughters I hardly know the questions let alone the answers. However the girls are good with the questions. Just this minute as I am writing this, one asked me, “Were you alive in Peter Pan’s day?”
My experience has been broadened on several subjects.
Bathrooms. Twenty years ago we purchased a house on a small acreage that would eventually become our retirement home. The architect had designed it with the main bedroom and ensuite, all of the lounge, dining, living and family rooms in the front, with the kitchen and laundry next, and finally, across the back were a double room, the single rooms, toilet and bathroom so designed that they could be self-contained and shut off from the rest of the house. I never realized how brilliant this design was until all the grand-daughters stayed with us and we could close one door for a sound proof retreat.
When our children were tiny, I built them a sand-pit to play in. Later I discovered that Bunnings was the sand pit for boys of all ages. But the bathroom is the play area for grand-daughters. All over the spa bath are tops of bikinis, wet towels from the pool, and on the basin top, bottles of make- up, lipsticks, nail polish, powder, perfume, tweezers, toothbrushes, plugged in hair straighteners and leg shavers, and a floor full of under-wear, towels, and enough clothing to stock an outlets market. But what on earth are two chicken fillets doing in the bathroom? And how do 18 Coronelle Soft Kleenex Toilet rolls just disappear? You can’t even read them!
Language. I am fluent in English, have authored over fifty books, been a broadcaster and telecaster for decades, have studied Latin and Greek and have earned my living by my ability to communicate. I know words and syntax, but grand-daughter language is something different. There are multiple references, often in the same sentence, without mentioning sources, from movies, television shows, music, DVD’S and celebrities, totally obscure to me, but instantly understood by each other. I am not in a different country, but a different time zone.
Music. Now this is a foreign country. They make quiet comments on my choice of classical music when we drive in the car. They prefer their MP3 diet. Fortunately they also rate their parents as from the dinosaur age, and when with them plug in their portable DVD’s to watch “Hot Chicks” so they do not have to listen to their parents nor even look at them! I asked about favourite musicians, as I known Perry Como, Pat Boone and Bing Crosby are no longer on the top 10. Apparently Hilltop Hoods, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Panic, Pussycat Dolls, Ne-Yo, The Killers, Akon, Black Eyed Peas and some others have taken their place.
Movies. I offered to take them to the movies but when their choice was between “Hairspray”, ”Superbad” and “The Bourne Ultimatum” I decided I could give them the money and trust them on their own.
Dating. Two grand-daughters seemed to have settled down with long term boyfriends, wonderful choices that make us really happy. They are off to University next year so some stresses will come upon those friendships. Beverley and I cannot complain about them making their choices so young. We started loving each other when we were thirteen and we have been together happily ever since!
But for most teenage girls dating is a rocky road. “Seems like I am always chosen to be the ‘friend’. They can date other girls, and go out with other girls, but when it comes to me, I always hear those same three words…’let’s be friends.’ I can date other guys, but the ones I really care about just want to be friends”. I have learnt there are three types of love: the love you get over in 2 months, good love, that you get over in 2 years and great love, which changes your life, forever. I have also learnt that sometimes the person you fall for isn’t ready to catch you.
Sport. I am thankful they are all into sport. One granddaughter is a surf life-saver on patrol every weekend. If I was drowning, I would choose to be rescued by her. One is into dressage and jumping horses. One flies all over Australia playing basketball and is about to fly to America to try out for professional College teams. One trains every morning before dawn and swims in ocean “iron man “events. Four are into netball. One into hockey. One has played for her state in soccer. One has enough medals in physical culture to sink the “Titanic” and if we melted down all of their cups, medals and trophies, we could build the “Titanic”! Only grand-daughters with this much training and fitness could then use our backyard to play Australian Rules football.
Food and drink. There is never enough of it. Actually my wife is out at this moment at the supermarket spending my entire superannuation and testing the springs on her car. There is not such thing as “grand-daughter meals”. They eat like Waterside Workers. There is much discussion about food. They can all eat copious amounts of junk food, but never seem to gain weight. They can eat pizza, Chinese, Macca’s, French fries, Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and ice cream straight from the tub, at the same time as they are talking about the dangers of eating junk food.
Mobile phones. This is the defining culture. A grand-daughter is naked without one. Digital content and communication is highly personalized and seamlessly integrated in every setting of everyday life. Current trends in mobile information and communication technology means more pervasive, lightweight, personal, and pedestrian. A mobile phone is essential for any kind of social life. Some are even designed to use on a surf board. Grand-daughters can feel unwanted if nobody calls or SMS’s every fifteen minutes. You are dead if that cacophony of a ring tone doesn’t go off waking the dead.
Mobile phones are essential to keep in touch, to assure you that you belong, and to give you space to escape the attention of your parents. SMS messages are in a language adult people cannot read. Myspace, Facebook and BeBo join friends in a room as private as a personal diary. I have a hunch that most of my grand-daughters and all of their friends, would not allow their parents to look through their text messages and pictures on their mobile phone. Texting is unthreatening, unobtrusive, and allows contact to be made with the minimum of risk and the maximum of discretion. I am glad they are all aware of the dangers inherent on the mobile and the internet.
The most wonderful thing is that with all of our grandchildren there is a love of God and an understanding of Jesus Christ. None of them swear, smoke, drink alcohol or do drugs. They have followed their parents’ example and clear instruction. The eldest have all been in the environments where all four are common but their lifestyle commitments held strong. That is difficult when their end of year school celebration was called “Fridge to Fridge” and where the surf club and basketball courts are areas for every temptation.
Talking with your grand-daughters when they are living with you is a rich experience. What a bargain they are! They cost me my loose change, and they give me a million dollars’ worth of pleasure. Every child needs grandparents –any grandparent– to help them grow up securely in a very unsure world. As for me, I discovered that a grandfather is just an antique little boy.
Next school holidays, Beverley and I must have the grandsons over to stay and I will see what I can learn from them!
Rev The Hon. Dr Gordon Moyes, A.C., M.L.C.