Dealing with anger
Lately, I have been more aware of mounting anger, hostility and aggression in our society, especially that expressed in our shared, public spaces, but also in the emails I receive.
Could the cause of so much unhappiness be the extreme level of stress and tension we all live under these days, with the declining power of the dollar, the rising food and petrol prices, the competition for entry into universities, and for jobs, where everything is happening so much faster than ever before, and common courtesy is no longer common?
Ordinarily, anger is the natural human response to various needs being frustrated. Modern life is intensely full of such frustrations; even just needing to get somewhere on time can mean we find that everybody else is in our way – on the sidewalks, on the roads, in the queues at banks and shops, the lift is full, the bus is full, the train is full, the ferry is full, there are no parking spots, etc. The anger response is completely natural. Our sense of territory being encroached upon is activated in over-crowded situations. But lashing out in anger can result in destructive road rage, air rage, checkout rage, surf rage, parking rage… in fact every kind of rage can happen when people get frustrated.
But this high level of anger can make us sick, and even kill us: we can develop high blood pressure, ulcers, TMJ (Temporo Mandibular Joint) disorders if we clench our jaws, muscular tightness in our necks and shoulders, gastric upset, lack of good sleep, or loss of appetite. It can lead to the deterioration of our family, social and work relationships, and even to the loss of family, friends and employment. Dealing with our anger before it gets out of hand is, in fact, a very important thing to do.
If we accept that modern life can be, and is, regularly infuriating, we can at least set out to prepare ourselves in advance to respond in a more positive, dignified manner as befitting people of faith. In the book “How to be Good and Mad”, I offered these guidelines:
“All Christians should learn how to be good and mad. That is the real issue – to be good and mad – angry, but in the right way. To learn this requires that we understand all the basic facts about aggression.
1. Aggression is part of our daily life.
Violence and aggression is found in every home. In one Australian survey, nearly half of the leading characters in TV dramas killed people, and almost all of them had a happy ending to their programme. To this extent, violence and aggression is portrayed as a successful means of achieving happiness. Parents should realise that viewing aggressive television and films is a mental health hazard. With violence on the screen the norm, more and more violence in the public sphere is the norm, as well.
Violence between the families of the nations is a reflection of the aggression that is seen within ordinary human families. Most families have a sense of rivalry between members. Sometimes this rivalry boils over into jealousy and trouble. Think of Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers, the Prodigal and his elder brother; all are examples from the Bible of aggression between members of a family. In fact, in the Bible there are over 400 references to aggression.
Emphasis should be on harmonious family relationships, and counselling should be sought if problems arise. It is important to address anger before it escalates into something destructive. Shared family time should focus on life affirming activities such as viewing or participating in sport, volunteering together (such as at a local animal shelter or delivering meals on wheels to your community), learning a language or skill together, going to see wildlife in the zoos or national parks, and much less time spent with violent computer games, television, or movies.
2. Our aggression may be open, or unexpressed.
Aggression or hostility are some of our strongest emotions, and usually result from a threat to our status or physical well-being. Our aggression may be open, or it may be repressed, only to surface at some point. Humour is often used as a weapon because it is socially approved, but it can still be cruel and painful to be on the receiving end of it.
3. Aggression must be faced.
If aggressive behaviour is allowed to run its course, then society suffers because of violence and social breakdown in personal relationships. When these emotions are channelled, however, they are creative forces in history. Behind many successful people in industry and commerce there lies an aggressive nature that has been channelled into productive work. In fact, behind most of the wonderful social service activities of past centuries, you will find people driven by their anger at injustice. Indignation can stir people into tremendous social action. In order to channel aggression it must be faced, and recognised as part of our normal life. Even hatred can be used for good, and that was what was meant by Paul in his letter to the Romans 12:9 when he said, “Hate what is evil”.
4. Our aggression can be handled by a vital faith.
It is not sufficient to just have a religion; we also need a vital faith that becomes a real force in handling our aggressive feelings. Don’t think for a moment that faith simply helps keep you calm and non-aggressive, because if your faith is alive and vital then it will sometimes create anger within you, at the right time and in the right way.
Our anger must be rightly directed; it must motivate us into action. Write to your Local Councillor or Member of Parliament, ring the government department concerned, or offer to assist the victims of injustice, deprivation, political blindness, or red tape. Do some practical deed or activity. If you have no other outlet do something physical like mowing the lawn, chopping wood, vacuuming the house, digging the garden, running on the spot, punching a pillow vigorously, shouting at the top of your lungs! Vent your anger, preferably creatively and purposefully, but get it expressed!
There are professionals who can help with anger management courses, as well, if these actions are not working to defuse your own anger. Discuss the issue with your GP, and get a referral to a mental health professional, if you need help.
In addition, learning to quickly be aware of and recognise the building up of pressure situations in public would be advisable, then you can choose to leave a scene before violence erupts – or to stay and be proactive in helping to stabilise the situation. Also, know the rules of the environment or sport you frequent, so that you do not inadvertently cause fury in others; be considerate of others present, go out of your way to maintain harmony.
We need to act as salt (preserver of civic stability) and light (showing the way) in our communities, and in this time of increasingly volatile community anger it has never been more important.
Also, we must learn to not focus just on the negative aspects of life, but all the positive ones as well, and choose to be grateful. This advice from Paul is helpful for keeping our perspective right:
Finally, Brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8
Reference: Moyes, Gordon. “How to Be Good and Mad”. Bible Truth Publications.