When grandparents raise the grandchildren
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, in 2003 there were 22,500 households with grandparents raising 31,000 grandchildren ranging from infants less than a year old through teens age 17. Almost half of these families were lone grandparent families, with the male spouse having died. Few of the grandparents raising grandchildren were still in the work force; most were over age 55 and dependent upon a government pension.
There can be many reasons and circumstances that lead to a child being placed with his or her grandparents. It can be the loss of the parent due to abandonment, death, substance abuse, being away in military service, incarceration, or removal of the child from an abusive home. Causes are many, but whatever it was the child will most likely be deeply affected, and will grieve for his or her parents. The child may express anger, depression, regression or other behavioural problems, but these are certainly normal with children’s grief. A child’s baffling experience of divided loyalties can also make the new living arrangement full of conflict and emotional turmoil. Grandparents are experienced parents, though, and know the developmental needs of children. They already know what works with kids and have a perspective on child rearing that can discern big issues from small.
Many grandparents face financial pressures when bringing a child into the home, and usually receive no financial assistance at all from the child’s family. In addition they may face difficulties in meeting the educational and health costs of the child at a time that they have their own health and age-related issues, which can make the responsibilities of parenting difficult.
The most important thing that grandparents can do to successfully parent their grandchild is to put together a support system. Trying to do it all alone can lead to extreme stress and hardship. Starting with members of their own support systems to help them cope with the emotional and practical issues they face is advisable. Making the effort to contact their child’s teacher, school counsellor, and school administrators is recommended. Finding a child development specialist, social worker, or therapist to consult whom they can trust. Seeking help from their physician, church/mosque/temple/synagogue, community contacts, and others in their personal network and extended family; someone will have advice or be able to do something to help. It can make all the difference.
They will also find that other grandparents are parenting grandchildren in the community and that they have much in common. If they have never have been involved with an advocacy or support group before they should consider it now. This is a great way to gain information, tips, and to make friendships that will be invaluable while caring for the child. They may not think they need it now, but the encouragement of others who know what they face will be just what they will need at times.
Grandparents in this situation are advised to begin their new life by gathering information on the resources that are available to them. Find the legal, financial, health, and educational resources online; then, seek them out in the state and community. Learn about the emotional and social issues they face and find support in the mental health community. Enrol the child in playgroups, clubs, and extra-curricular activities. Grandparents should also plan to take a step out of their comfort zone and make friends with the parents of other same-age children.
Then, equipped with support and information, they can enjoy the caring journey again and cherish the opportunity to guide their precious child through their sweet and vital childhood years.
The legal arrangements that can be made by grandparents raising their grandchildren are, depending on where you live, adoption, guardianship, or foster parent status. Adopting a grandchild can be an emotionally and financially draining task, although it has the most secure outcome. Grandparents should be able to make decisions about medical care, schooling and other day-to-day issues. Exactly what type of paperwork is needed varies from place to place. Without any of these legal measures in place authorities may view the grandparents as simply babysitting the grandchild.
Finally, grandparents should not try to be everything to their grandchild. They need to remember to give themselves a break by lining up good babysitters and making use of them once in awhile. Eventually, and to the extent that it is possible, encouraging visits between the child and his or her parent is very important. Custodial grandparents may have had little mental, emotional, or financial preparation when they begin and it can be overwhelming. And things may have changed beyond recognition since their own babies were little with new technology, clothing styles, trends and conventions. Nobody quotes Dr Spock anymore!
There are many websites designed to help internet-savvy grandparents in their efforts to raise their grandchildren and to find needed resources for the children as well as themselves. For more information about grandparents raising children see the Australian Parenting Website http://raisingchildren.net.au
