The high cost to health of the rigours of divorce
Experts say that society is not facing the facts about the terrible effects of divorce. The saddest cases can lead to self-destructive behaviours and eventual suicide. Many divorced people let their good health habits go by the wayside and they no longer look after themselves properly. Men are particularly at risk. They may not eat properly, keep their clothes in proper repair, or stay well groomed, and they may eventually begin to look as if they are on the skids. Many people also can lose their effectiveness in their jobs, due to the changes in their routine, loss of self-esteem and a good support system at home.
There are many professional support services available but males are notorious for avoiding doctors offices until there is no alternative, and often not even then. In general men are not accessing services that are available to help them, such as counselors. If the man develops depression he is then at even higher risk. Women are more likely to be depressed after divorce, but also more likely to seek appropriate medical attention.
Many studies over the last few years have found that divorce has very significant impacts on physical, mental and emotional health. These academic studies don’t try to measure the spiritual dimension of life after divorce, but I know from years of counseling divorced people that they feel very significantly wounded spiritually, and often feel themselves to be such failures that God cannot love them anymore. Many of these people, even at church where they should be accepted, have found cruel, rejecting attitudes and judgments made against them, even when they were the totally innocent party. This may lead to their withdrawal from church, as well, which in itself has many potential ramifications. All of these changes can have lasting effects on a person’s life.
Society needs to remember that divorce is a seriously detrimental event in anyone’s life and not to be taken lightly, or decided casually. Statistics are very telling: divorced or widowed people have a 20 per cent higher incidence of chronic health conditions including cardiovascular disease, diabetes and cancer than people who are still married. The Journal of Health and Social Behaviour reports that people who didn’t remarry after divorce suffered the greatest ill health. One of the most obvious causes was the extreme stress from having fewer financial resources, the struggle over logistics involved in shared custody of children, and conflicting claims over division of property.
Negative mental health outcomes were rife, with many divorced people suffering severe depression for many years afterwards. Some latent underlying factors could also be triggered by the rigours of divorce, and if people are vulnerable they will experience significant anguish and inability to cope. Managing these changes and rebuilding lives can take years, and depends greatly on the personal constitution and inner resources of the person affected. Resilient people have the best chances of getting over it and moving on, but even they will always be less healthy than they would have been had they not gone through a divorce. Divorce is not part of God’s ideal plan because of the destructiveness to the family for many years afterward. Doing everything possible to save marriages, homes and families is worth everything we have got, as individuals and as a society.